You can’t write a blog!
You can’t create a Youtube channel!
Who do you think you are?
That’s the inner critic that has always been in my mind for so so many years, limiting me from doing things that I actually want.
Then another thing happened in my life recently.
I was rock bottom with a heartbreak
You deserve it
You are not enough for anyone or to do anything
The inner voice came again, stroke and pulling me down to the underground till I suffocate myself
I would burst into tears and subconsciously created a pity party at the back of my head.
Sitting at a very knotty corner, ties myself tight and not moving anywhere but just visualising how I deserve to have been someone or be somewhere…
I have been reading this book by Melissa Ambrosini about Mastering Your Mean Girl. She’s a writer from Australia and I found her from a podcast that I was listening to. What I like about her writing is that she speaks in a hippie way and law of attraction kind of vibes that make you feel calm in a way. If you first listen to her podcast, she has a very calmy and soothing kind of voice that makes you feel like she is actually sitting right in front of you telling her book.
There are 5 things that I learnt from the book
- Be aware of your inner critics
- Choose what you love over fear
- Mind your own business
- Be resilience
Be aware of your inner critics
Melissa says, there’s this voice inside our head that is constantly feeding our negative chatter. It always tells you that you are not good at many things. Basically, it is a voice that’s constantly telling you that you are bad at everything. Because it is not going away, you have to be aware of that voice and take a moment to reflect. Here’s what you have to do, listen to what it says in your head and ask yourself, what can you do about it and what can you change to make it better? One important rule in this is, you don’t have to let your past life define your decision today.
After the reflect questions, the next action that you have to do on how to be aware of your inner critics relate to the next lesson that I learn from Melissa.
Choose what you love over fear
Fear is one verb that always stopping anyone from doing anything that they love to do.
I like the exercise that she wrote in the book about listing down things that you love to do and things that you are good at. It is a form of self-affirmations to help you focus on what you actually good at. Rather than sitting a knotty corner of a room, pitying yourself over things that you fear.
I love the fact that I actually write them down and being able to re-look at it whenever I feel down and demotivated. It is very easy to forget things that we love to do when we are not feeling at our best. So the having the list in my bullet journal helps me to get myself back on the mood as the list serves as a menu for me to choose.
Things that I love to do, for me is to waking up early before anyone else and write my morning pages, spend time watering my plants, or maybe clean the house. Take the things from the list and actually schedule it on a calendar.
You don’t have to do everything all at once, but you can choose one thing at a time and plan the very first step to make it happen.
Other major takeaways that I learnt from Melissa is about meditation. I have been hearing a lot of meditation from many people for a couple of years. It has been sitting in my bucket list but I have never actually done it until I read her book. I like the way she describes how meditation can be as easy as just taking 5 mins of your time sitting at a comfy quiet corner and just start breathing. The next thing to do is just letting your thoughts wandering around and bring it back to observing your breathing. The idea is just to silence the noise in your head for a quiet 5 mins.
Mind your own business.
Tell yourself that “What others think about you is none of your business”
Melissa mentioned about how hurting you can be whenever you receive negative comments from people around you. She says to be okay to feel hurt but also it is important to reflect on the comments. Analyse the critics, are those giving values to what you are actually doing? Are those comments coming from a person who is expert in the topic? Most of the time, it is not. If the answer is no, be gone with it. Let it pass. The art of letting go requires practice, practice and practice just to be good at minding your own business.
So, if the comments doesn’t give value, put your head down and do the work!
“The strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.”
In her book, Melissa defined resilience as the ability to go through adversity in such a way that you come out the other side strengthened and better off for the experience. I could relate this term so much in my day to day life. I have gone through life difficulties but there is no way that I am here today, with my hot cup of green tea on a hot sunny tropical afternoon, writing this to you. It takes a lot of courage and patience (she’s right! Thanks M!), I may have been hurt to break, and it only bend me, I may have been blocked, and it doesn’t back me down; I will never settle and give in to a competition to be the best version of myself each day! Don’t mistake resilience as being stubborn, if your community is defining that on you, it is all on them and not you. There are so many ways to flex your resilience muscle; in her book, Melissa shared 10 tips to flex it and it is all routed you back to a self-care. I started with a very little thing, as little as doing a morning and evening facial routine and it went contagious that I started to look for more self-care tips, use it as an escape from a hard day just to be with myself. Start to love yourself, you’ll get what I mean.
That’s all for today’s book review, 5 things that I learnt from Melissa Ambrosini’s book Mastering Your Mean Girl.
Till we meet again in the next chat!